








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 360 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 232 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3599 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,964 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 423 | 11% |
| Smokes | 689 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1360 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1492 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,994,741 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funky Kong | 63% | 253 |
| #2 | White Guy | 62% | 340 |
| #3 | Charles E. Cheese | 62% | 243 |
| #4 | Berber Gaybie | 60% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Funky Kong | 63% | 253 |
| #2 | White Guy | 62% | 340 |
| #3 | Charles E. Cheese | 62% | 243 |
| #4 | Berber Gaybie | 60% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles E. Cheese | 36 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Funky Kong | 21 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | White Guy | 18 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Berber Gaybie | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles E. Cheese | 389 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #2 | White Guy | 151 | 0.02 | 4 min |
| #3 | Funky Kong | 57 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | Berber Gaybie | 31 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles E. Cheese | +3.52 | 55 | 62 |
| #2 | Funky Kong | +1.81 | 54 | 11 |
| #3 | Klud7311 | +1.71 | 29 | 24 |
| #4 | White Guy | -0.51 | 18 | 42 |
| #5 | Berber Gaybie | -2.53 | 25 | 19 |





