








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 825 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 95 matches | ||
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7873 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,532 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5893 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5568 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4303 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4768 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,413,003 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | milk | 56% | 99 |
| #7 | Titus Sassole | 52% | 64 |
| #8 | Spartan | 47% | 94 |
| #9 | Lazermonkey | 39% | 36 |
| #10 | Toaster | 38% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jamie | 9 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Titus Sassole | 8 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Toaster | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | Coochiemaru™ | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Lazermonkey | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coochiemaru™ | 238 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | milk | 232 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | ✠BigBob3D | 224 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | Titus Sassole | 188 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Jamie | 113 | 0.13 | 3 min |





