








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 455 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 338 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,249 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3635 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2561 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 4224 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 3829 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,909,713 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 304 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shifty | 66% | 29 |
| #2 | seidl | 61% | 36 |
| #3 | depression | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | Hoomain Bait | 49% | 75 |
| #5 | trooper | 48% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hoomain Bait | 49% | 75 |
| #5 | trooper | 48% | 117 |
| #6 | Kollege | 43% | 40 |
| #7 | ThomasTheBrezina | 41% | 27 |
| #8 | Teach Me Senpai | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seidl | 7 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | trooper | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Hoomain Bait | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Kollege | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | ThomasTheBrezina | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | trooper | 200 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | seidl | 93 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Hoomain Bait | 84 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | ThomasTheBrezina | 69 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | depression | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seidl | +3.01 | 67 | 54 |
| #2 | Jthebobc | +1.53 | 75 | 59 |
| #3 | Hoomain Bait | -0.54 | 53 | 61 |
| #4 | depression | -1.08 | 29 | 67 |
| #5 | ThomasTheBrezina | -1.24 | 58 | 62 |





