








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,537 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 183 | 12% |
| Smokes | 367 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 551 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 436 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $328,265 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Cooler_-_- | 45% | 53 |
| #5 | Pepega | 44% | 9 |
| #6 | mentholatumointment | 44% | 57 |
| #7 | CCIE #22314 | 43% | 7 |
| #8 | seabass | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mentholatumointment | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Cooler_-_- | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | HaruiD☆ | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | CCIE #22314 | 1 | 0.0088 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mentholatumointment | 408 | 0.32 | 12 min |
| #2 | HaruiD☆ | 214 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Cooler_-_- | 211 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #4 | seabass | 203 | 0.35 | 6 min |
| #5 | lone | 46 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | seabass | +1.30 | 62 | 79 |
| #2 | mentholatumointment | +1.19 | 77 | 79 |
| #3 | CCIE #22314 | +0.99 | 63 | 66 |
| #4 | HaruiD☆ | +0.94 | 83 | 63 |
| #5 | Cooler_-_- | +0.19 | 56 | 66 |





