








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,693 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 271 | 16% |
| Smokes | 501 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 430 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 491 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $158,004 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cooler_-_- | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | Mission Man | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | HaruiD☆ | 53% | 57 |
| #4 | mentholatumointment | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | Nine | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mentholatumointment | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | CCIE #22314 | 2 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | HaruiD☆ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Cooler_-_- | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Pepega | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mentholatumointment | 243 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #2 | HaruiD☆ | 171 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | seabass | 149 | 0.43 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cooler_-_- | 107 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Pepega | 42 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepega | +2.38 | 78 | 62 |
| #2 | mentholatumointment | +1.94 | 81 | 78 |
| #3 | Cooler_-_- | +1.45 | 58 | 66 |
| #4 | HaruiD☆ | +1.13 | 82 | 65 |
| #5 | seabass | +0.21 | 61 | 75 |





