








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2995 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,129 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2263 | 44% |
| Smokes | 1422 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1344 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 100 | 2% |
Our logs show you have wasted $740,681 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Stretched Cavity | 42% | 345 |
| #4 | BALLS IN MY FACE | 41% | 61 |
| #5 | Frostii | 41% | 79 |
| #6 | RardedRacc | 40% | 317 |
| #7 | Bo Cooter | 38% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xDanMarino | 18 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Bo Cooter | 17 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Stretched Cavity | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Frostii | 13 | 0.0086 |
| #5 | RardedRacc | 8 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xDanMarino | 1011 | 0.14 | 23 min |
| #2 | BALLS IN MY FACE | 578 | 0.47 | 14 min |
| #3 | Stretched Cavity | 516 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #4 | RardedRacc | 447 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #5 | Bo Cooter | 275 | 0.07 | 7 min |





