








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 822 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 127 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,541 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7813 | 27% |
| Smokes | 7055 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7386 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6287 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,508,280 of utility $212 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 612 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Fids | 53% | 60 |
| #4 | xandog | 52% | 91 |
| #5 | Energy Pills | 50% | 384 |
| #6 | Goose | 49% | 126 |
| #7 | Wetters | 43% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wetters | 16 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Goose | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Energy Pills | 9 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | JBarny | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Fids | 6 | 0.0051 |





