








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 705 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Wingman | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1680 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1814 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1753 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 397 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 1294 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $698,277 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 520 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jus10 | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | Führerschein für Führersein | 55% | 44 |
| #3 | THeGreeN47 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 53% | 53 |
| #4 | Flori3471 | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | Apfel | 43% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | THeGreeN47 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 53% | 53 |
| #4 | Flori3471 | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | Apfel | 43% | 47 |
| #6 | Fιnєssєđツ | 42% | 84 |
| #7 | duwid | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Führerschein für Führersein | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Fιnєssєđツ | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | THeGreeN47 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Apfel | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Flori3471 | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fιnєssєđツ | 234 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Führerschein für Führersein | 156 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Apfel | 103 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | THeGreeN47 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 71 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Flori3471 | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THeGreeN47 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +1.49 | 87 | 50 |
| #2 | Denno | +1.26 | 77 | 60 |
| #3 | Flori3471 | +0.63 | 73 | 71 |
| #4 | Apfel | +0.13 | 58 | 62 |
| #5 | Jus10 | -0.23 | 64 | 62 |





