










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
574 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,962 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 789 | 27% |
| Smokes | 732 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 706 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 735 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $130,554 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saxy Salad | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | META | 58% | 52 |
| #3 | Patrukio | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | MAPLE SYRUP GUZZLER | 55% | 31 |
| #5 | Scruffy | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saxy Salad | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | META | 58% | 52 |
| #3 | Patrukio | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | MAPLE SYRUP GUZZLER | 55% | 31 |
| #5 | Scruffy | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAPLE SYRUP GUZZLER | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | META | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Scruffy | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Patrukio | 1 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scruffy | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | MAPLE SYRUP GUZZLER | 29 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | Patrukio | 12 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | Saxy Salad | 9 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | META | 6 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saxy Salad | +3.94 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | BaDaBu | +1.14 | 52 | 59 |
| #3 | Scruffy | +0.32 | 68 | 45 |
| #4 | META | -0.85 | 40 | 26 |
| #5 | MAPLE SYRUP GUZZLER | -1.63 | 50 | 32 |





