








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




85 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,367 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1107 | 33% |
| Smokes | 796 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1335 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 129 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,029,800 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mom of 3 | 96 | 0.0153 |
| #2 | |Cunt| | 66 | 0.0201 |
| #3 | deep_FRIED | 23 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | Sleeeeeeep | 23 | 0.0116 |
| #5 | wham! | 12 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mom of 3 | 1160 | 0.18 | 30 min |
| #2 | Sleeeeeeep | 436 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #3 | |Cunt| | 428 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | deep_FRIED | 395 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | wham! | 234 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wham! | +3.77 | 67 | 59 |
| #2 | Mom of 3 | +3.58 | 71 | 59 |
| #3 | |Cunt| | +2.14 | 63 | 53 |
| #4 | Sleeeeeeep | +0.48 | 63 | 60 |
| #5 | King CoBra | +0.39 | 59 | 50 |





