








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 798 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 881 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 148 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7271 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11086 | 27% |
| Smokes | 9859 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 11567 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 8246 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,626,791 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3685 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Clockwork_Or4ng3 | 43% | 79 |
| #5 | lady_gLaab | 43% | 176 |
| #6 | gLaab | 43% | 155 |
| #7 | lordsnoop | 43% | 195 |
| #8 | hobbes | 42% | 183 |





