








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
544 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,636 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 648 | 25% |
| Smokes | 665 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 512 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 811 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $131,247 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | brz | 58% | 55 |
| #6 | Quandale | 56% | 78 |
| #7 | Doug | 55% | 82 |
| #8 | Avarice | 46% | 28 |
| #9 | Vivid Kite | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doug | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | brz | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Quandale | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Avarice | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doug | 299 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | Quandale | 132 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | brz | 98 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Avarice | 61 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | god is not real LOL | 56 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doug | +4.04 | 81 | 71 |
| #2 | Quandale | +2.34 | 76 | 66 |
| #3 | brz | +0.78 | 78 | 59 |
| #4 | god is not real LOL | +0.20 | 72 | 69 |
| #5 | Fauntleroy | -0.84 | 60 | 57 |





