








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 284 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




32 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,545 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 868 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2024 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2019 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1634 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $637,655 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 233 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The_Pimp_Hand | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Haetoon | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | StoryWorm | 51% | 86 |
| #4 | CoreDonut | 47% | 187 |
| #5 | V01D_SP4CE | 46% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | scabsmagooby | 45% | 179 |
| #7 | JakeyPoo | 45% | 148 |
| #8 | Cammie | 42% | 85 |
| #9 | FGR Osama bin Squirtin | 39% | 38 |
| #10 | Kels | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CoreDonut | 14 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | JakeyPoo | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Cammie | 8 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | V01D_SP4CE | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | scabsmagooby | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CoreDonut | 355 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | Cammie | 262 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Haetoon | 246 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #4 | JakeyPoo | 240 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | V01D_SP4CE | 151 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haetoon | +2.41 | 88 | 73 |
| #2 | Cammie | +1.30 | 84 | 46 |
| #3 | JakeyPoo | +0.95 | 62 | 48 |
| #4 | CoreDonut | +0.71 | 61 | 56 |
| #5 | scabsmagooby | -0.19 | 64 | 44 |





