








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1554 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,131 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1209 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1055 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 853 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1014 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $347,307 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 167 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | RS | 67% | 39 |
| #4 | Eacott✫ | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | mika-iwnl- | 55% | 11 |
| #6 | PZAZ-iwnl-Vincero | 50% | 10 |
| #7 | Ma$a$h1 | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whitty | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Ma$a$h1 | 2 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | PZAZ-iwnl-Vincero | 1 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Eacott✫ | 1 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whitty | 135 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | mika-iwnl- | 59 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #3 | RS | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Eacott✫ | 32 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ma$a$h1 | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |





