








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 309 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 189 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1986 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,088 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2814 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3146 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1786 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2342 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $972,230 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1038 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lays | 65% | 112 |
| #2 | BrownChris | 59% | 76 |
| #3 | zk1lle 话筒 | 50% | 32 |
| #4 | Zinx^ | 49% | 39 |
| #5 | Willi | 48% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | zk1lle 话筒 | 50% | 32 |
| #4 | Zinx^ | 49% | 39 |
| #5 | Willi | 48% | 33 |
| #6 | GainzMaster | 48% | 25 |
| #7 | Smikky | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Willi | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | BrownChris | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Lays | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | zk1lle 话筒 | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BrownChris | 363 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #2 | Lays | 300 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Zinx^ | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Willi | 69 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | GainzMaster | 63 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smikky | +5.74 | 81 | 62 |
| #2 | BrownChris | +4.52 | 88 | 74 |
| #3 | Lays | +3.17 | 86 | 62 |
| #4 | zk1lle 话筒 | +1.25 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | Willi | +0.42 | 71 | 47 |





