








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,147 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2743 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1650 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1899 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1855 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $578,658 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyrpäjyrä 4000 | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Alan Paskin | 5 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | Jehova | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Jokuanton | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | kalluppi | 2 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Treesround | 308 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jehova | 243 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kurai~ | 166 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | lumiLAPIO | 143 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Penance | 75 | 0.29 | 2 min |





