








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 96 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,835 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3396 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2480 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2568 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2391 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,115 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 109 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alan Paskin | 66% | 35 |
| #2 | Ryhmy | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | -Zö Pölöt- | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | Kurai~ | 57% | 44 |
| #5 | Jokuanton | 56% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jehova | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Ryhmy | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Kyrpäjyrä 4000 | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Alan Paskin | 6 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | Jokuanton | 5 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jehova | 324 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | Ryhmy | 297 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kurai~ | 205 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #4 | Ryhmy | 101 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jokuanton | 93 | 0.05 | 2 min |





