








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 209 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2087 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1681 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2562 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2173 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1941 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $490,745 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | osiemano | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | Kurośmiornica | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | Dziadyga | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | jose arcadio morales | 58% | 43 |
| #5 | HeroinOverdose | 57% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HeroinOverdose | 10 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | jose arcadio morales | 6 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Szczelina | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | molson | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | p4sta | 3 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Szczelina | 251 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | marcinek_zlb | 164 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | nie ma yoya w domu | 164 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | HeroinOverdose | 128 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | molson | 80 | 0.06 | 2 min |





