








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 501 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 95 matches | ||
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,327 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1882 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2159 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1218 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1068 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $610,234 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | 59% | 29 |
| #2 | SpacePants | 50% | 159 |
| #3 | Eric | 39% | 70 |
| #4 | JKnight | 37% | 30 |
| #5 | bot kk082273 | 33% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Eric | 39% | 70 |
| #4 | JKnight | 37% | 30 |
| #5 | bot kk082273 | 33% | 55 |
| #6 | Brotacular | 33% | 43 |
| #7 | DirectlyDerek | 30% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpacePants | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Brotacular | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | bot kk082273 | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | DirectlyDerek | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Chaka | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brotacular | 240 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #2 | SpacePants | 170 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | bot kk082273 | 96 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chaka | 81 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Eric | 79 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | +6.39 | 91 | 53 |
| #2 | a1ph4 | +2.01 | 66 | 61 |
| #3 | Brotacular | +1.31 | 69 | 68 |
| #4 | Eric | -0.78 | 47 | 48 |
| #5 | SpacePants | -1.65 | 45 | 53 |





