








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 272 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1141 | 29% |
| Smokes | 843 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 652 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1239 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $536,591 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | 50% | 20 |
| #2 | a1ph4 | 50% | 159 |
| #3 | JKnight | 41% | 27 |
| #4 | bot kk082273 | 32% | 37 |
| #5 | Brotacular | 26% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | JKnight | 41% | 27 |
| #4 | bot kk082273 | 32% | 37 |
| #5 | Brotacular | 26% | 19 |
| #6 | Eric | 26% | 43 |
| #7 | DirectlyDerek | 12% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | a1ph4 | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Brotacular | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | bot kk082273 | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | DirectlyDerek | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Chaka | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | a1ph4 | 199 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #2 | Brotacular | 110 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #3 | bot kk082273 | 70 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | JKnight | 51 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Chaka | 51 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | +6.93 | 89 | 59 |
| #2 | a1ph4 | +2.39 | 71 | 62 |
| #3 | Brotacular | +2.19 | 65 | 70 |
| #4 | Eric | -0.65 | 46 | 52 |
| #5 | bot kk082273 | -1.25 | 66 | 42 |





