








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
951 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 521 | 20% |
| Smokes | 702 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 452 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 867 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $308,775 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lil mugga | 100% | 4 |
| #2 | Whale | 100% | 4 |
| #3 | Barry | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | sutra | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | DnT | 75% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | BOT Zohan | 40% | 5 |
| #16 | Hugh Janus | 40% | 10 |
| #17 | Do_Worrk :) | 40% | 10 |
| #18 | AJA | 25% | 4 |
| #19 | weirdhoney | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BeltFedBird | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | BOT Zohan | 2 | 0.0165 |
| #3 | DnT | 2 | 0.0250 |
| #4 | AJA | 2 | 0.0299 |
| #5 | /thraz | 1 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | senshi | 95 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #2 | BeltFedBird | 66 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Do_Worrk :) | 42 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | Whale | 39 | 0.40 | 1 min |
| #5 | Hugh Janus | 24 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whale | +6.93 | 86 | 65 |
| #2 | Barry | +3.97 | 95 | 24 |
| #3 | sutra | +3.61 | 75 | 70 |
| #4 | DnT | +3.11 | 69 | 34 |
| #5 | Carbon @LAN | +2.96 | 82 | 59 |





