








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 27 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
241 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 946 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 414 | 44% |
| Smokes | 254 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 77 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 201 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $106,155 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sxsTem | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | sascha | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | oweN | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | wundeeh | 60% | 15 |
| #5 | FATGUY | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Serce | 50% | 12 |
| #8 | Hebisuzawa | 45% | 20 |
| #9 | xelA | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | hi | 0% | 3 |
| #11 | colin | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oweN | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Serce | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oweN | 125 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #2 | sascha | 62 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #3 | Hebisuzawa | 59 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Serce | 57 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | wundeeh | 56 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | squidward | +3.04 | 95 | 53 |
| #2 | c0nsy | +0.56 | 56 | 19 |
| #3 | Hebisuzawa | +0.11 | 84 | 64 |
| #4 | sascha | -0.10 | 65 | 65 |
| #5 | Serce | -0.44 | 80 | 59 |





