








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
508 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 547 | 30% |
| Smokes | 365 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 510 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 395 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $80,476 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Les pieds ou ta dignité ? | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | vroum vroum | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | Neko yōguruto | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | AD | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Les pieds ou ta dignité ? | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | vroum vroum | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | Neko yōguruto | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | AD | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vroum vroum | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Les pieds ou ta dignité ? | 2 | 0.0222 |
| #3 | Neko yōguruto | 1 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | AD | 1 | 0.0141 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vroum vroum | 57 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | Neko yōguruto | 20 | 0.19 | 0 min |
| #3 | AD | 19 | 0.27 | 0 min |
| #4 | Les pieds ou ta dignité ? | 10 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AD | +2.76 | 75 | 58 |
| #2 | Stan Hawkins | +1.45 | 69 | 73 |
| #3 | Les pieds ou ta dignité ? | +1.20 | 62 | 39 |
| #4 | vroum vroum | +0.90 | 69 | 64 |
| #5 | Neko yōguruto | -0.84 | 44 | 53 |





