








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1688 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,010 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1672 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1538 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1370 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1430 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $246,780 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Birdsong | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | (ง •`_´•)ง | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | nima | 57% | 87 |
| #4 | iP_ | 56% | 63 |
| #5 | I'm not an animal! | 55% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | iP_ | 56% | 63 |
| #5 | I'm not an animal! | 55% | 78 |
| #6 | NuggetGuardian | 53% | 64 |
| #7 | Pautos | 51% | 45 |
| #8 | Waldbjoern | 48% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iP_ | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | I'm not an animal! | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Waldbjoern | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | nima | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | NuggetGuardian | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waldbjoern | 661 | 0.32 | 18 min |
| #2 | nima | 232 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | NuggetGuardian | 182 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | iP_ | 173 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | I'm not an animal! | 170 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waldbjoern | +2.21 | 87 | 70 |
| #2 | RicoMynne | +2.15 | 80 | 70 |
| #3 | Pautos | +1.79 | 80 | 73 |
| #4 | Birdsong | +0.32 | 69 | 67 |
| #5 | iP_ | -0.00 | 49 | 73 |





