








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 739 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Wingman | 57 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4074 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,133 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2267 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2161 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2033 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2672 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $996,193 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 518 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | FragileSilence | 47% | 88 |
| #6 | cheese¡ | 43% | 72 |
| #7 | Ken | 41% | 46 |
| #8 | Dr. Koch | 39% | 18 |
| #9 | notfishhook | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cheese¡ | 21 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | FragileSilence | 16 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | notfishhook | 8 | 0.0227 |
| #4 | DoubleStuf | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Intrixer | 2 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cheese¡ | 290 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ken | 235 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #3 | FragileSilence | 173 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | DoubleStuf | 107 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dr. Koch | 106 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DoubleStuf | +2.83 | 89 | 65 |
| #2 | jackson | +2.57 | 77 | 57 |
| #3 | Intrixer | +0.92 | 73 | 60 |
| #4 | notfishhook | +0.47 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | cheese¡ | -0.36 | 66 | 59 |





