








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 290 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,685 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 347 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1563 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1241 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1534 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $614,638 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Adamiko741 | 49% | 106 |
| #2 | Spuito56 | 48% | 162 |
| #3 | Majkyy | 46% | 48 |
| #4 | Ercon | 46% | 35 |
| #5 | mato389 ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ | 44% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spuito56 | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | Ercon | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | ✪draBis ツ | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Adamiko741 | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | mato389 ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spuito56 | 771 | 0.23 | 19 min |
| #2 | ✪draBis ツ | 200 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | mato389 ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Adamiko741 | 72 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Majkyy | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |





