








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 280 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 506 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3901 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,833 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2536 | 18% |
| Smokes | 5692 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 3540 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2065 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $820,496 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirt Mike | 20 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Napalm Turtle | 19 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | j | 14 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | jmmyi | 12 | 0.0146 |
| #5 | El Capitán | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Napalm Turtle | 533 | 0.08 | 14 min |
| #2 | j | 236 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | El Capitán | 185 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Dirt Mike | 156 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | jmmyi | 113 | 0.14 | 3 min |





