








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Overpass | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1180 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,408 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1151 | 34% |
| Smokes | 653 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 891 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 713 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $415,289 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoop-doop | 58% | 93 |
| #2 | Kwikfire | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Physical Retardation | 53% | 103 |
| #4 | crashcx | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | Mr.TaylorSwift | 50% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoop-doop | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Physical Retardation | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Mr.TaylorSwift | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | crashcx | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Kwikfire | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoop-doop | 551 | 0.30 | 13 min |
| #2 | Physical Retardation | 294 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | crashcx | 42 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mr.TaylorSwift | 11 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Kwikfire | 9 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoop-doop | +2.29 | 80 | 71 |
| #2 | Koil | +2.28 | 78 | 57 |
| #3 | Physical Retardation | +0.90 | 58 | 67 |
| #4 | crashcx | -2.98 | 62 | 44 |
| #5 | Mr.TaylorSwift | -3.46 | 37 | 35 |





