








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
788 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,118 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 632 | 30% |
| Smokes | 420 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 553 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 513 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,864 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rhetorikk | 100% | 4 |
| #2 | Bielany | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | jake | 58% | 53 |
| #4 | Peregrinus | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | Doggzofwar | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Peregrinus | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | Doggzofwar | 48% | 21 |
| #6 | Snapshottz | 42% | 38 |
| #7 | detox7 | 39% | 23 |
| #8 | Mini ❤ | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jake | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Snapshottz | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Bielany | 2 | 0.0250 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snapshottz | 203 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #2 | jake | 133 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Doggzofwar | 88 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Peregrinus | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | detox7 | 38 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bielany | +7.06 | 94 | 56 |
| #2 | jake | +0.80 | 84 | 56 |
| #3 | JayZerbS | +0.74 | 88 | 59 |
| #4 | Doggzofwar | -0.33 | 69 | 71 |
| #5 | detox7 | -0.42 | 81 | 70 |





