








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,354 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1293 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1402 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1250 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1409 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $368,580 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yop | 91% | 11 |
| #2 | Spetz | 84% | 19 |
| #3 | BlinK | 79% | 28 |
| #4 | aaa | 67% | 52 |
| #5 | havee | 58% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Spetz | 84% | 19 |
| #3 | BlinK | 79% | 28 |
| #4 | aaa | 67% | 52 |
| #5 | havee | 58% | 26 |
| #6 | abh | 51% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | abh | 9 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | havee | 4 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | aaa | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aaa | 188 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | abh | 146 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | havee | 75 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | BlinK | 53 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Yop | 20 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SwagMort | +4.45 | 86 | 64 |
| #2 | Yop | +0.52 | 59 | 50 |
| #3 | havee | +0.50 | 61 | 48 |
| #4 | Spetz | +0.43 | 78 | 46 |
| #5 | aaa | -0.11 | 76 | 69 |





