








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,041 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 869 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1017 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 432 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 723 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $713,980 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lacos | 55% | 53 |
| #2 | Squirrely Dan | 52% | 63 |
| #3 | RoyBoyShaw | 47% | 64 |
| #4 | Platypus with a Keytar | 40% | 50 |
| #5 | Steve | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lacos | 55% | 53 |
| #2 | Squirrely Dan | 52% | 63 |
| #3 | RoyBoyShaw | 47% | 64 |
| #4 | Platypus with a Keytar | 40% | 50 |
| #5 | Steve | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lacos | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Squirrely Dan | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | RoyBoyShaw | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squirrely Dan | 179 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | RoyBoyShaw | 72 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Steve | 62 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lacos | 61 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Platypus with a Keytar | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squirrely Dan | +3.57 | 80 | 73 |
| #2 | BiRD | -0.26 | 66 | 48 |
| #3 | Lacos | -0.79 | 54 | 60 |
| #4 | Steve | -1.40 | 54 | 59 |
| #5 | RoyBoyShaw | -2.11 | 56 | 51 |





