








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1484 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,604 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 925 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1100 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 770 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 809 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $943,872 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 60 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rasputin | 62% | 34 |
| #2 | bojo | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | a | 52% | 23 |
| #4 | SereneCrux | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | anita hanjaab | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | anita hanjaab | 47% | 17 |
| #6 | imaGoonAssNiqqa | 37% | 27 |
| #7 | Rothschild Israel Chungus | 36% | 11 |
| #8 | Hodor | 36% | 28 |
| #9 | Erling Haaland | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rasputin | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Rothschild Israel Chungus | 3 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | Hodor | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | a | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | anita hanjaab | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rasputin | 75 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | a | 75 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | SereneCrux | 73 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | imaGoonAssNiqqa | 69 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hodor | 53 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | a | +4.14 | 66 | 71 |
| #2 | SereneCrux | +3.35 | 75 | 67 |
| #3 | rasputin | +2.75 | 66 | 54 |
| #4 | bojo | +0.58 | 61 | 54 |
| #5 | Erling Haaland | -0.24 | 56 | 50 |





