








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 702 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 506 matches | ||
| Faceit | 387 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7346 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 42,095 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12266 | 29% |
| Smokes | 12661 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 7993 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 9175 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $932,169 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Yoder | 59% | 547 |
| #5 | Pablo Sanchiez | 57% | 154 |
| #6 | Frosst | 54% | 123 |
| #7 | psychSZN | 52% | 143 |
| #8 | braded | 51% | 240 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yoder | 13 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | psychSZN | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Lampy | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Pablo Sanchiez | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | braded | 3 | 0.0006 |





