








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 640 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 440 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,436 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7027 | 29% |
| Smokes | 6789 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5629 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4991 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,142,590 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 418 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Butt Pirate | 58% | 95 |
| #2 | ClitorISH | 55% | 64 |
| #3 | PoopSmonkin | 47% | 70 |
| #4 | Rumpsy | 46% | 202 |
| #5 | Percules | 41% | 237 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percules | 23 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Rumpsy | 18 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Butt Pirate | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | PoopSmonkin | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | ClitorISH | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percules | 661 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | Rumpsy | 486 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | ClitorISH | 155 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | PoopSmonkin | 136 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Butt Pirate | 107 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percules | +1.72 | 79 | 54 |
| #2 | Rumpsy | +0.93 | 42 | 49 |
| #3 | Butt Pirate | +0.66 | 40 | 42 |
| #4 | Vizuah | -0.36 | 34 | 49 |
| #5 | PoopSmonkin | -2.54 | 12 | 54 |





