








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 547 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2410 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2911 | 40% |
| Smokes | 999 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 2116 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1193 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $641,332 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 662 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Orion | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | ClitorISH | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Butt Pirate | 51% | 81 |
| #4 | Vizuah | 46% | 202 |
| #5 | M3NGO | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | M3NGO | 44% | 16 |
| #6 | Jerry. | 43% | 21 |
| #7 | Percules | 39% | 61 |
| #8 | PoopSmonkin | 38% | 39 |
| #9 | gibzyn | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vizuah | 13 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Percules | 8 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Jerry. | 6 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | gibzyn | 6 | 0.0139 |
| #5 | Butt Pirate | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vizuah | 748 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #2 | Percules | 194 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Butt Pirate | 116 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | PoopSmonkin | 83 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | ClitorISH | 62 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Percules | +1.85 | 78 | 58 |
| #2 | Rumpsy | +0.82 | 43 | 50 |
| #3 | gibzyn | +0.64 | 44 | 51 |
| #4 | Jerry. | +0.53 | 41 | 33 |
| #5 | Butt Pirate | -0.47 | 29 | 46 |





