








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3157 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1973 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2564 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2326 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2288 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $623,513 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 726 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Homer Flexual | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | saion ✪ | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | Dippy | 51% | 47 |
| #4 | Prime Possum | 50% | 16 |
| #5 | GingerTheChiken | 50% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moscc | 354 | 0.32 | 8 min |
| #2 | Roose | 320 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | sinnaY | 222 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | iSnack 2.0 | 99 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dippy | 92 | 0.10 | 2 min |





