








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 634 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1518 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,411 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 633 | 26% |
| Smokes | 727 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 556 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 495 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $712,800 of utility $289 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 515 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kind. | 79% | 19 |
| #2 | Lebkuchen-Genießer | 69% | 26 |
| #3 | DZN | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | Compack | 59% | 46 |
| #5 | Patrick Bateman | 58% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crusher | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Lebkuchen-Genießer | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | kind. | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Josch | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Compack | 131 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | crusher | 112 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Patrick Bateman | 105 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Lebkuchen-Genießer | 59 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | kind. | 41 | 0.11 | 1 min |





