








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 372 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4139 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3837 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2603 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2305 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2686 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $907,032 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Holger Danskpilsner | 54% | 332 |
| #4 | DØLLE | 54% | 126 |
| #5 | Dramatic™ | 51% | 109 |
| #6 | Dinger DummeNeger | 50% | 28 |
| #7 | DJ Dinger :) | 50% | 174 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holger Danskpilsner | 34 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | DJ Dinger :) | 19 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Dinger DummeNeger | 13 | 0.0227 |
| #4 | Dramatic™ | 12 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | DØLLE | 7 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holger Danskpilsner | 1158 | 0.17 | 29 min |
| #2 | DJ Dinger :) | 315 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #3 | Dramatic™ | 230 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | zeny666 | 141 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | DØLLE | 116 | 0.05 | 3 min |





