








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




233 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2370 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,613 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 891 | 34% |
| Smokes | 543 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 828 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 351 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $927,294 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1304 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $hawSa | 58% | 102 |
| #2 | Goouigi | 48% | 99 |
| #3 | ShawtySean | 47% | 30 |
| #4 | misterturdel | 42% | 119 |
| #5 | Beastboy | 41% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $hawSa | 58% | 102 |
| #2 | Goouigi | 48% | 99 |
| #3 | ShawtySean | 47% | 30 |
| #4 | misterturdel | 42% | 119 |
| #5 | Beastboy | 41% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | misterturdel | 47 | 0.0200 |
| #2 | Beastboy | 16 | 0.0150 |
| #3 | Goouigi | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | $hawSa | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | ShawtySean | 5 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goouigi | 124 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | $hawSa | 96 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Beastboy | 92 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | misterturdel | 85 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | ShawtySean | 47 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deku :3 | +2.10 | 72 | 33 |
| #2 | $hawSa | +0.94 | 55 | 50 |
| #3 | ShawtySean | +0.25 | 60 | 45 |
| #4 | Goouigi | -0.11 | 56 | 46 |
| #5 | Beastboy | -0.75 | 61 | 44 |





