










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
742 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,101 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 548 | 26% |
| Smokes | 704 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 503 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 346 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $371,455 of utility $229 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lewis | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Wayne Schafter | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | UNCLE | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Beowulf | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lewis | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Wayne Schafter | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | UNCLE | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Beowulf | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 5 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | UNCLE | 5 | 0.0467 |
| #3 | Lewis | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Wayne Schafter | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | Lewis | 34 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | UNCLE | 31 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #4 | Wayne Schafter | 23 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Beowulf | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gs | +4.08 | 66 | 58 |
| #2 | UNCLE | +3.84 | 72 | 71 |
| #3 | Lewis | +2.94 | 83 | 50 |
| #4 | GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER GAMER | +1.32 | 87 | 56 |
| #5 | Wayne Schafter | -1.27 | 41 | 59 |





