








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 272 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3564 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 512 | 5% |
| Smokes | 4127 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 2943 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3218 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,944 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anakin Highwalker | 53% | 47 |
| #2 | Theregoeslalo | 49% | 190 |
| #3 | MIGDIZZLE | 49% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anakin Highwalker | 53% | 47 |
| #2 | Theregoeslalo | 49% | 190 |
| #3 | MIGDIZZLE | 49% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theregoeslalo | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | MIGDIZZLE | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Anakin Highwalker | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theregoeslalo | 471 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #2 | MIGDIZZLE | 437 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Anakin Highwalker | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BrokeNewt | +1.63 | 53 | 42 |
| #2 | Anakin Highwalker | +0.57 | 58 | 44 |
| #3 | MIGDIZZLE | -1.78 | 37 | 52 |
| #4 | Theregoeslalo | -1.86 | 23 | 52 |





