








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 567 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 413 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 45 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3457 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,936 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4039 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5208 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4419 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3270 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,754,788 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 763 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theregoeslalo | 51% | 226 |
| #2 | BrokeNewt | 49% | 170 |
| #3 | Anakin Highwalker | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theregoeslalo | 51% | 226 |
| #2 | BrokeNewt | 49% | 170 |
| #3 | Anakin Highwalker | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BrokeNewt | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Theregoeslalo | 5 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theregoeslalo | 546 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | BrokeNewt | 111 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #3 | Anakin Highwalker | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BrokeNewt | +2.05 | 50 | 52 |
| #2 | Anakin Highwalker | +0.17 | 57 | 44 |
| #3 | MIGDIZZLE | -0.29 | 42 | 53 |
| #4 | Theregoeslalo | -1.03 | 22 | 53 |





