








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 763 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,140 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 444 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1057 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1778 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 861 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,647,576 of utility $292 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 677 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ConcretePourer1991 | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | Ardi | 60% | 30 |
| #3 | Plum1x | 56% | 39 |
| #4 | Pickle | 55% | 49 |
| #5 | jebediah | 51% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big zoe | 9 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | jebediah | 9 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | ConcretePourer1991 | 9 | 0.0189 |
| #4 | Viet Tom | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Pickle | 4 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Your Sistas Favorite Meatballs | 179 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | jebediah | 145 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Pickle | 76 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Boomadiidii | 68 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | ate a jar of beets | 60 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pickle | +4.61 | 78 | 43 |
| #2 | juno | +2.42 | 75 | 17 |
| #3 | ConcretePourer1991 | +2.32 | 65 | 34 |
| #4 | ate a jar of beets | +1.39 | 55 | 61 |
| #5 | Viet Tom | +1.27 | 76 | 34 |





