








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1047 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 287 matches | ||
| Wingman | 183 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Renown | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6911 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8183 | 27% |
| Smokes | 6556 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 8389 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 7712 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,392,007 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lalli | 60% | 82 |
| #2 | Potamochoerus porcus | 51% | 177 |
| #3 | Laventelinorsu | 51% | 213 |
| #4 | Yiijy | 50% | 295 |
| #5 | Zenih | 47% | 263 |





