








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1956 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 48 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13420 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,959 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11547 | 29% |
| Smokes | 9883 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 9297 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 9232 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,997,448 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1294 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nosering | 67% | 58 |
| #2 | WIZ KALIFUH | 53% | 436 |
| #3 | Human Growth Hormone | 52% | 101 |
| #4 | CartMan | 52% | 394 |
| #5 | x3c puppypeek | 47% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nosering | 67% | 58 |
| #2 | WIZ KALIFUH | 53% | 436 |
| #3 | Human Growth Hormone | 52% | 101 |
| #4 | CartMan | 52% | 394 |
| #5 | x3c puppypeek | 47% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Human Growth Hormone | 35 | 0.0183 |
| #2 | CartMan | 17 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | x3c puppypeek | 12 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | WIZ KALIFUH | 10 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | nosering | 10 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WIZ KALIFUH | 860 | 0.10 | 21 min |
| #2 | CartMan | 362 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #3 | Human Growth Hormone | 290 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | x3c puppypeek | 235 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | nosering | 96 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boingada | +4.02 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | nosering | +1.48 | 67 | 47 |
| #3 | WIZ KALIFUH | +1.09 | 72 | 52 |
| #4 | Human Growth Hormone | -0.38 | 66 | 41 |
| #5 | x3c puppypeek | -1.69 | 64 | 33 |





