








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2580 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,576 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1388 | 30% |
| Smokes | 938 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1203 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1047 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $435,972 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 173 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lowkey | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | xX_SAUSAGE_Xx | 71% | 24 |
| #3 | Kwazii | 67% | 36 |
| #4 | Azrāʾīl (ملك الموت عزرائيل) | 56% | 103 |
| #5 | Gredge | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lowkey | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | xX_SAUSAGE_Xx | 71% | 24 |
| #3 | Kwazii | 67% | 36 |
| #4 | Azrāʾīl (ملك الموت عزرائيل) | 56% | 103 |
| #5 | Gredge | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Azrāʾīl (ملك الموت عزرائيل) | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Kwazii | 7 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Gredge | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gredge | 128 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Azrāʾīl (ملك الموت عزرائيل) | 84 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | lowkey | 77 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kwazii | 67 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | xX_SAUSAGE_Xx | 22 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Antfistfirst | +3.24 | 74 | 47 |
| #2 | Kwazii | +1.82 | 54 | 36 |
| #3 | lowkey | +0.87 | 57 | 51 |
| #4 | Gredge | -0.43 | 53 | 62 |
| #5 | xX_SAUSAGE_Xx | -1.54 | 50 | 25 |





