








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 232 matches | 1,327 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1962 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1883 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1313 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2182 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1965 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,203,886 of utility $245 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banzai | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 52% | 73 |
| #3 | Fitteriinoo | 49% | 154 |
| #4 | Cheeseislife_ | 48% | 139 |
| #5 | Enn3n | 46% | 193 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Banzai | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 52% | 73 |
| #3 | Fitteriinoo | 49% | 154 |
| #4 | Cheeseislife_ | 48% | 139 |
| #5 | Enn3n | 46% | 193 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Enn3n | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Fitteriinoo | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Cheeseislife_ | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheeseislife_ | 299 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Enn3n | 247 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Fitteriinoo | 57 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 37 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Banzai | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holmgreen | +1.66 | 47 | 70 |
| #2 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | +1.17 | 50 | 42 |
| #3 | Cheeseislife_ | +0.56 | 41 | 62 |
| #4 | Banzai | -2.24 | 6 | 70 |
| #5 | Fitteriinoo | -3.01 | 10 | 41 |





