








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 571 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 190 matches | 1,237 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1052 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,016 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 259 | 5% |
| Smokes | 369 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 2635 | 53% |
| Molotovs | 1753 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $954,247 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 205 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holmgreen | 49% | 154 |
| #2 | Enn3n | 49% | 144 |
| #3 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Cheeseislife_ | 46% | 133 |
| #5 | Banzai | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holmgreen | 49% | 154 |
| #2 | Enn3n | 49% | 144 |
| #3 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Cheeseislife_ | 46% | 133 |
| #5 | Banzai | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheeseislife_ | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | Enn3n | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheeseislife_ | 284 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Enn3n | 192 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Holmgreen | 184 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | 23 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Banzai | 20 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holmgreen | +2.02 | 46 | 71 |
| #2 | Clang HAN HAR DE!!!!! | +1.00 | 53 | 43 |
| #3 | Cheeseislife_ | +0.75 | 43 | 61 |
| #4 | Banzai | -2.42 | 5 | 75 |
| #5 | Enn3n | -3.03 | 5 | 64 |





