








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 91 matches | ||
| Premier | 45 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
822 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,307 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 161 | 7% |
| Smokes | 668 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 830 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 648 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $204,783 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | HooXi | 52% | 25 |
| #7 | Remka | 50% | 141 |
| #8 | IsäntäVOL2 | 47% | 15 |
| #9 | HaPpY | 44% | 64 |
| #10 | KarjusKarjamaal | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Remka | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | HaPpY | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | IsäntäVOL2 | 3 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | KarjusKarjamaal | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Sevtsik | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Remka | 457 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | HaPpY | 193 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | AnHyzer | 117 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | HooXi | 92 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | klots | 76 | 0.11 | 2 min |





