








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
685 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 529 | 20% |
| Smokes | 492 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 815 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 794 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $183,500 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uninstall game PLZ | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | i eat beans :) | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | 3sth3r | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | Juul | 54% | 59 |
| #5 | Pløk'mester Adrbadr | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Pløk'mester Adrbadr | 45% | 20 |
| #6 | Flying_Spurgt ;) | 44% | 25 |
| #7 | MM ツ | 42% | 31 |
| #8 | Taint | 29% | 7 |
| #9 | H3i53 | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flying_Spurgt ;) | 7 | 0.0178 |
| #2 | i eat beans :) | 6 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | Juul | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | MM ツ | 5 | 0.0098 |
| #5 | H3i53 | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flying_Spurgt ;) | 153 | 0.39 | 3 min |
| #2 | Uninstall game PLZ | 75 | 0.46 | 1 min |
| #3 | i eat beans :) | 44 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Juul | 41 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Pløk'mester Adrbadr | 36 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i eat beans :) | +4.67 | 73 | 37 |
| #2 | Uninstall game PLZ | +3.00 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | Taint | +1.78 | 43 | 54 |
| #4 | Flying_Spurgt ;) | +1.78 | 67 | 68 |
| #5 | Pløk'mester Adrbadr | +0.40 | 55 | 42 |





